Friday, September 25, 2015

Chemo Day One

Well the day finally arrived and I got to admit, it was a tough one to wake up too this morning.   For some reason (Marinol) I slept soundly thru the night, but when the alarm clock rang, I DID NOT want this day to happen.  But we had no choice so off we went to the University of Washington where I'll spend the next month or so at.  Arrival time was 8:30AM so we showed up promptly at 9AM. 
Got to my spacious room on the top floor that overlooks Lake Washington and the Husky football field.  I can't wait til tomorrows game searching thru all the tailgaters to try and see Sam, Rowland and Gumby whooping it up. I'm gonna sit in front of the window, naked, spreading my butt cheeks at the crowd for a while.  Cause I'll be on drugs.  And that's an acceptable thing to do on drugs.  At least it seems that way as I write this on drugs...
They hooked my Hickman line up with fluids and pumped me full of hydration for 3 hours or so before it was time for the poison.  When Brad my nurse was hooking it up to my line, I had this Neo moment from the Matrix where he had the choice of what pill to take: 
"You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
Morpheus, to Neo 
But there's no turning back for me.  I'm all in.  Down the rabbit hole I'm going.   Red pill it is.  GULP.
Not much happened either with it.  I felt a little light headed and had some mouth sensation but that left quickly once I got back on a spin bike and pedaled my ass off for a half hour.  What I need these guys to give me is anti pussy medicine.   This whole thing has been hitting me pretty hard lately and all the emotions that I like to bury deep in the closet have been coming out and showing themselves with me throwing out the random guy cry.  Like here on the bike, I'm pedaling and crying for no reason.  Well there might be a reason.  I think.
Tomorrows another day of this Cytoxin and I guess the chemo will start to show itself in me soon.  I've been told how worse its gonna get before it gets better and I'm not really that pumped on it.  But things like this adorn my room as Lisa brought photos of the kids, cats, family and cards that people have written me and that puts a smile on my face. 
Thanks for all the well wishes and stuff, it really means a lot.  If I could ask one thing though, it would be to knock off the journey, your a warrior, your so brave comments.  Brave and warrior?  Come on, how brave and warrior like is it to do what you need to selfishly do to see your kids grow up and live their life's?  Don't get me started on the journey bullshit either.  This is a trip to the town dump, where you fall off the truck into the shit pile, break your legs, and then the dump closes for the weekend and you have to claw your way out on your hands and knees to make to the road only to get picked up by a meth head that steals your wallet and rapes your mouth before dropping you off in town.  Journey my ass.  This is getting fucked over.  But someones got to do it and I guess it's better me than you.  Your welcome Sparky, Tony and Mike D.  If I didn't get this one of your clowns would of.  Feel good knowing that your free and clear of this shit courtesy of me.  Now Griff, with your luck...


  1. Yo, this literally took my breath away.
    like i couldn;t breath and couldnt stop reading,
    thank you for writing

  2. you should write a book the next month, I will try to think of an appropriate title.
    1) It won't be called "the Journey"
    2) It won't be called " Thru the eyes of a warrior"
    3 More likely " The compassionate world of John"
    sounds biblical huh
    Even though my memory kinda sucks Still think of you every day softy.

  3. Sending you good thoughts every day Yo.

  4. Wow, Yo. Glad I finally read your blog from start to finish. So maybe you're no hero, but you are a first class husband, dad, and friend. Add my good wishes and a kiss from Thor to your pile of notes from the Outside.

  5. Love the words brother. Keep it real. See you on the hill.