I had clinic today. Tomorrow their drilling into my hip again and pulling a bone marrow core sample from me to see how much of the German is now me. Thursday is back to clinic and Friday is Christmas. Kinda fucks this week up for being at the cabin but at least I'll be there for Christmas, so I thought.
Then reality slapped me upside the head once today's clinic happened. My PA Gail came in at the beginning and sat down, and I could tell it was gonna be serious. She said she knew I was going up to the cabin and then got a little emotional with the delivery of the rest of the conversation. "Your immune system isn't working yet John. You have been very lucky so far going up there, but trust me, your luck WILL run out. When your immune system isn't fully functioning you won't show symptoms of being sick or if you have an infection. Your body will go septic (organs shutting down) and with how far away from the clinic you are, by the time you come in, it will be too late. We see it all the time and we've put way too much work into you to have this happen. It WILL happen. Trust me." Uh...ok. Now I feel like a dick.
Then she left and the nurse I had in the room, who is also a discharge nurse in Transplant / Transplant ICU said to me "listen you got out of the hospital a while ago and I can tell you that you do not want to be admitted back to the hospital under those circumstances because most of the time you don't get discharged. I see it all the time." Double dick now.
So when CAN I go to the cabin? You dudes are releasing me from your care in 20 days, is that all I'm waiting? 20 days from now things will be cool? Nope, I will be cool when I'm off the immune suppressant drug that keeps fucking with me and keeping me alive. And I'll get off of that at the beginning of March. Sweet.
On top of all of this, Gail said to me after the needed tongue lashing that I should write a blog about my experiences with cancer as I seem to "get it" way more than most of her patients. Yea...
Merry fucking Christmas, from Seattle that is, from the Rock Star.
This will be my last memory from the cabin for a while, Schaffer (part Asian) grabbing whiskey out of the cabinet with a very Seattle like bumper sticker that was probably made out east.
And Milo got another ad with Bern helmets in a Orange County California magazine.